


Can’t Help But Tell You The Truth

by gayxspacexnerd



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Coming Out, Crying, Human AU, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Transphobia, Logan has internalized transphobia and homophobia, M/M, Minor Swearing, Roman and Patton are brothers, Roman has ADHD, They’re all trans, Trans Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Trans Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Trans Logic | Logan Sanders, Trans Male Character, Trans Morality | Patton Sanders, Transgender, Virgil has one arm, closeted logan, supportive virgil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-08 11:41:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19106380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayxspacexnerd/pseuds/gayxspacexnerd
Summary: Logan loved all his roommates very much. There was Patton, the undeniably adorable art student, with big glasses and an even bigger heart. Roman, Patton’s younger brother the slightly hyper theater geek, and Virgil “I only need one arm to flip you off” Sanders, the incredibly edgy psychology major. Logan liked everything about the three of one, except for the fact that they didn’t quite know him as Logan yet.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! so in this fic all of the main four are trans, however Logan isn’t out to anyone yet. I still used he/him pronouns for him the whole time though bc i felt weird using anything else. also virgil has a prosthetic arm, nothing bad happened to him he was just born without it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Logan have a talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: minor swearing, slight internalized homophobia/transphobia, use of dead name. let me know if there’s anything else i should add!

Logan sat on the couch on one of his many sleepless nights, playing a podcast that he was only half listening to. he wanted to pay attention, he really did, it’s just that his mind was much more preoccupied with something else. He couldn’t stop thinking about a particular situation that he had found himself in a few weeks before, a situation that had refused to leave his head ever since it happened.

_…_

_“Hey Virgil?” Logan asked as they studied at a picnic table at the park._

_“Yeah Rachel?” Virgil replied. Logan tried his best not to wince at the name, although why he wasn’t sure why he was wincing._

_“For my english class we are supposed to be writing on a popular political topic that was assigned to us, and I was wondering if you would want to read over my draft and make some notes on it” Logan explained, shuffling around his notes slightly to grab the draft of his essay._

_“oh okay, yeah sure” Virgil said, taking the papers from him with his real arm and looking them over “what topic did she assign you?” he questioned._

_“Lgbt rights” Logan answered, shifting slightly while saying it. He knew that Virgil was bisexual as well as transgender, and that having him read it would give him some valuable input, but he still felt slightly weird saying it out loud for some reason he couldn’t quite explain._

_“cool, is it alright if I write notes on the page?”_

_…_

_The two of them were both quiet as Virgil read his essay, Logan deciding to get some other studying done while he waited. Eventually, Virgil finished reading and cleared his thought to announce he was done._

_“Overall it’s pretty good, I wrote a few things down but I’m sure you’ll be fine” Virgil said as he handed the paper back to Logan._

_“Excellent, thank you for reading it, Virgil” he said, starting to put the paper back in his bag before Virgil spoke up again._

_“Actually there was one thing i didn’t write down but is probably important” he said, tapping his finger on the table slightly . Logan looked up, allowing him to continue. “It’s just, you said at some point ‘when an individual decides they’re trans’ and you should probably change it to something like ‘realizes’ or whatever, just because trans people don’t just decide one day to be trans. I know that you know that but you might wanna just think about changing it” Virgil blurted. Logan blinked, he hadn't even thought about that when he put it in._

_“Oh, okay. I didn’t realize that wasn’t the proper wording, I’ll be sure to change it before I turn it in” he replied. Virgil let out a small sigh and smiled at him. Logan smiled back and looked down at his notes to try and hide the small blush on his face. the pair went back to their notes, only speaking up when they needed help from the other person. However Logan couldn’t help but be curious about something relating to what Virgil had said before._

_“...Virgil, can I ask you a personal question?” Logan said after a few moments of silence. Virgil looked curiously at him for a second before saying,_

_“Yeah, of course”._

_“How did you realize you were trans?” Logan asked, Virgil smiled slightly and turned his head to look at a small kid on the play structure, thinking over the question._

_“I guess it wasn’t really an instant thing for me, I kinda just always knew in the back of my mind that something was off. It wasn’t until my last year of high school when I watched a youtube video about it that it finally clicked in my brain” Virgil finished. Logan looked puzzled for a moment,_

_“what kind of things felt off for you? before you realized it?” he questioned further. Virgil shifted in his seat slightly._

_“Things like, hating every time someone called me by my old name, or cringing whenever someone used the wrong pronouns. Also I never felt like my body belonged to me, and I could never quite place what I didn’t like about it until I realized that I was trans” Virgil said. Logan pondered this for a moment. He supposed that he could relate to some of that, like the name and the pronouns and the discontentment with his body... Okay so he could relate to all of what just said, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he was…_

_“Oh my god…” Logan whispered softly, slowing coming to a realization that he felt he should have realized a long time ago._

_“What??” Virgil's eyes went wide, slightly alarmed. Whoops, Logan hadn’t meant to say anything out loud._

_“Oh, sorry, I was just thinking to myself” he said with a slight smile, before adding “I think that I’m finished for today. If you’re done as well I think we should start to head home”_

_“Yeah I’m done, let’s go” Virgil responded. They both quickly gathered their things so they could walk back to the apartment._

_…_

It had been almost a month since that event, and Logan still couldn’t stop thinking about it. He didn’t think that he had gotten a full night's rest since then, resolving to just sit on the couch and only half pay attention to whatever content he put on.

“What're you doing up so late Rachel, is something wrong?” Virgil asked as he climbed down the stairs and into the living room. Logan had been so lost in thought that he failed to hear Virgil walk into the room. He wasn’t wearing his prosthetic at the moment, so his right arm stopped just above where his elbow would be.

“Nothing is ‘wrong’ per say, I’ve just been thinking and lost track of time” Logan said, hoping to throw off suspicion

“Dude, it’s three in the morning” Virgil replied flatly. Damn, perhaps he had lost track of time.

“What’re you doing up so late then, Virgil?” He asked, instead trying to shift the topic off of him.

“Couldn’t sleep, anxiety and shit, the usual” Virgil replied with a small smile. “Now do you want to talk about what you’ve been thinking about or would you rather just watch TV together in relative silence?” He asked matter-of-factly. Logan considered his options.

“TV and silence doesn’t sound too bad” he replied. Virgil smiled and went to find something to watch, while Logan decided to make them both tea, might as well get comfortable if they were gonna be up for awhile longer. Logan was just glad it was a Friday night, if either of them had classes in the morning they might not have made it through them. Once they settled into the couch and selected a movie (Big Hero 6, of course) Logan’s mind started to wander back once again. For the first time he actually started to consider telling Virgil what he’s been thinking about, but that thought alone was too scary to bring up by himself.

Thankfully, he didn’t have to.

“Hey, you look like something’s wrong, what’s the matter?” Virgil asked once more. Logan thought that he was probably a lot better at reading people than most gave him credit for. Logan hesitated before answering. What should he say? was he ready to tell Virgil the truth? He didn’t want to lie, but the truth was just so scary. “Hey, buddy, look at me” He said. Logan stopped staring off into space to look at him. Virgil smiled just a small bit. “you know you can tell me anything Rachel” he said. Logan was pretty sure he visibly cringed that time.

“I’m-I’m not….” he tried to start, but the words suddenly got caught in his throat. Was he actually about to do this? What on earth was he thinking? Virgil looked at him, slightly confused.

“You’re not… what?” he asked. Logan took a deep breath and tried his best to answer.

“...R-Rachel” he said at last. Seeing Virgil’s confused face, he tried again. “I’m...not Rachel, I’m not a girl, I’m…I’m trans” he said, immediately looked away, waiting for him to say that he was just copying Virgil or that he was faking it or something similar.

“...Oh, that’s cool” Virgil said once he had processed what Logan had told him. “Do you have a new name you’d like to go by yet or..?” he asked, waiting for him to answer.

“Well, I actually quite like the name Logan, so if you wouldn’t mind calling me that..” He answered. Virgil smiled.

“ I like that name, Logan suits you” he said, Causing Logan to smile as well.

“Thank you” he paused, “I just, I don’t want to think that I’m copying you, or making it up for attention, or-“ Logan was cut off by Virgil wrapping his left arm around him in a tight hug, making him and making him feel safe and secure in Virgil’s arm.

“I would never think stuff like that, okay? no one knows you better than you and I believe you one hundred percent” he said, pulling him in somehow tighter than before. Logan couldn’t help but squeeze back, eyes starting to shimmer with tears. Virgil let him duck his head into his shoulder as Logan grabbed onto his hoodie.

“T-Thanks, Virgil” he said, tears now falling freely from his face onto Virgil’s hoodie. He reached up and started softly petting the taller boys hair.

“Anytime, Logan”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gangs all here and Logan prepares for the big snip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: use of dead name, implied swearing (?) (it’s a middle finger, idk really how to tag that) let me know if there’s anything else that should be tagged!

When Logan woke up in the morning, Virgil was curled up against him on the couch. They apparently had both fallen asleep the night before while watching the movie, and Logan now found himself unable to move from the couch. He reached for his phone on the coffee table to check the time, only to find out it was dead. Accepting his fate, Logan turned back to the boy soundly sleeping in his lap. His purple hair was covering most of his face, but Logan could still see black makeup smudged under his eyes. He couldn't help but smile to himself, Virgil honestly looked less stressed right now than he had in awhile and it was nice to see him looking so relaxed, even if he was asleep at the moment.

“Aw, a true romance is blooming! I can already hear the wedding bells” Roman announced as he walked into the room with Patton in tow. Virgil promptly stuck his middle finger in the air in response. Guess he wasn't asleep after all. Roman gasped in mock offence.

“That's no way to treat your best man Virgil! And Rachel, you need to control your future husband! You can’t let him treat your maid of honor with such disrespect!” He shrieked. Logan sat up, confused, pushing Virgil off of him in the process.

“And who would my maid of honor be in this hypothetical situation?” He asked Roman, ignoring Virgil's glare from being moved off of Logan's lap. 

“Patton, of course” Roman replied matter of factly. Patton giggled from behind him before going to the coffee maker.

“Come on Roman, be nice to them” He said, starting a pot of coffee for them.

“Ugh, if you insist, Pat” Roman said while rolling his eyes. “You guys do realize it's already eleven though, right? How late were you guys up?” He added on after checking the time on his phone. 

“Too late, probably” Virgil responded. “You just started making coffee though, what were you doing this whole time?” he questioned. 

“Playing video games in Patton's room” Roman answered as Patton brought Virgil and Logan mugs of coffee, milk and sugar for Virgil and black for Logan. “Plus the coffees just for you two, me and Pat are leaving soon” he explained further.

“Patton and I” Logan said softly before sipping his drink. Roman either didn't hear him or chose to ignore him as he continued.

“We’re going to see dad for lunch soon so you two will have the house to yourselves for a couple hours” He explained. Logan nodded along to what he was saying, while Virgil drank his coffee quicker than he probably should have.

Neither of the two moved from their spot on the couch as Patton and Roman got ready, and only after they left did Virgil say anything.

“So...are you gonna tell them? You don't have to if you don't want to, I was just wondering” he asked. Logan looked at him confused for a few moments before realizing what he was talking about. He thought for a moment before he answered.

“I.. I want to, I really do.. I’m just not sure how to” He explained. Virgil nodded in understanding. 

“Don't worry about it too much dude, you find a way. Plus there’s no rush to do it either” he said with a small smile. “So, do you wanna just be lazy watch Netflix all day?” he added, smile growing wider. Logan considered this for a moment, he did finish all of his class work for the weekend, and he didn’t have anywhere he needed to be until tomorrow afternoon, so he supposed he could spend the day slacking off. Plus that meant spending the day with Virgil, and he did quite enjoy his presence.

“I suppose I don’t have anything better to do” he said finally. Virgil excitedly grabbed the remote and went to turn on Netflix.

“What do you wanna watch?”

 

…

 

“Hey Logan?” Virgil called from the kitchen. Logan looked up from where he was sitting on the couch. He still wasn’t quite used to hearing Virgil call him Logan, despite it being a few weeks since he had come out. 

“Yeah Virge?” he answered, shifting his focus away from his laptop. 

“are you gonna cut your hair at all? It’s fine if you don’t want to but I just thought I’d ask” he questioned, coming out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee. Logan had actually thought about his hair quite a lot over the past few weeks, and he knew he wanted to get it cut, he just wasn’t sure where to go or how to ask them.

“I want to, I’m just not sure where to go to get it done. I don’t want them questioning why I’m getting it cut. Also, I’m a little worried what Patton and Roman will think if I suddenly cut it without explanation.” he answered. He know that logically Patton and Roman wouldn’t care, but they would most likely ask a lot of questions, and he didn’t know if he could handle all of those.

“Well... I’m pretty sure that Pat and Ro wouldn’t care, but you can always just say that it’s for convenience, that’s what I did when I first cut mine” Virgil supplied helpfully, vaguely gesturing towards his own hair. “Also I could cut it for you, if you would be okay with that” he added after pausing for a moment. Logan looked at him, puzzled.

“You… know how to cut hair?” Logan questioned. Virgil looked away slightly and blushed a little.

“Well yeah, when I first wanted to cut my hair my dad wouldn’t let me go anywhere to get it done, so eventually I just looked up how to do it and I’ve been cutting my own ever since” he answered. Logan was impressed to say the least, and he really did want to cut his hair short, so he decided to let Virgil do it.

“Okay yeah, would you cut it for me?” he asked. Virgil’s eyes lit up at his words as he finished the rest of his coffee.

“Cool! So uh, when do you want to do it? no rush, of course, but we can do it whenever you’d like really” he said. Logan thought about it for a moment before answering.

“well, Patton and Roman won’t get back until later tonight, so we could do it today and surprise them?” he offered, Virgil smiled at his suggestion, already starting to plan it out in his head.

“sounds like a plan!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan gets the snip, Everyone loves its, and Pat and Ro discuss things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been trying to Proofread these chapters at least once before I post them, but my ADHD is not having it and I rlly wanted to post this tonight so I haven’t read through this at all, sorry ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯   
> Warnings: Use of dead name, Misgendering (not intentional), let me know if there’s anything else i should add!

Logan sat on a chair in the kitchen, towel wrapped around his neck. Virgil stood behind him with a pair of scissors in his real hand, ready to start with Logans hair. 

“Are you ready?” Virgil asked him, waiting for the okay to continue. Logan took a deep breath and nodded. 

“Yes, go ahead Virgil” he responded. Virgil nodded and went to start on Logans hair.

 

…

 

Logan stood just in front of Virgil as they looked in the bathroom mirror at his new hairstyle. Virgil fidgeted with the bottom of his hoodie, clearly anxious to see if Logan was happy with what he had done. He did quite like it, feeling that it went perfectly with his glasses and face structure, plus he was starting to look more like how he wanted to after years of not even realizing it.

“Um, do you like it? It’s fine if you don’t… I messed up on a few parts.. I’m sorr-” Virgil started before being cut off by Logan.

“Virgil I… I love it, thank you so much” he said, trying his best to hold back tears that suddenly appeared in his eyes. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve and turned away from the mirror to Virgil. 

“...Really?” He asked, unsure. Logan gave him a watery smile.

“It’s perfect” He said. suddenly hugging Virgil very tightly. normally, he wouldn’t be one for hugging, or most physical contact to be honest, however in this instant he felt that he really needed it. Virgil stiffened for a moment before returning the hug, holding Logan tightly. Unfortunately, their embrace was cut short by Patton and Roman opening the front door, talking very loudly and alerting the pair to their presence.

“Oh come on Patton, do you really think that…” Roman stopped suddenly upon seeing Logan’s hair. Logan shifted uncomfortably under the two brothers gaze, trying his best not to make eye contact. Virgil stood a little bit behind him, looking nervously at the three of them, eager to see how to two would react. Patton was the first to speak up, still standing in the doorway. 

“Oh my gosh Rachel I love your hair!!!” He said excitedly. rushing past Roman to get a better look at Logan’s head. Logan smiles slightly and blushed at the attention he was suddenly getting, trying and failing to ignore Patton's look of wonder at his new style. 

“Wow! That’s looks Amazing, Rache. what made you decide to cut it?” Roman asked, stepping closer to Patton to also get a good look at it. Logan looked slightly at Virgil before answering. 

“I…It’s just more convenient this way, I guess. I’ve never been partial to long hair, and Virgil offered to cut it for me, so it was only Logical” he supplied. Virgil gave a small smile at the mention of him.

“Oh wow, Virgil! I didn’t know you could cut hair this well! It looks great!!” Patton practically yelled with excitement. Virgil blushed at the compliment, clearly trying not to get to flustered. Roman stepped away from Logan slightly as he began to speak.

“Well, I’m off to do some dreaded homework, it’s due tomorrow and I haven’t even started it yet. Congrats on the new hair Rache!” He announced and began walking to his room. Patton gave them all a smile before adding something of his own. 

“I should probably get some work done too, plus I think Roman will need help with his work” he said happily and skipped off to his and Romans shared room. They had all originally wanted their own room, but seeing as the space only had 3 bedrooms and there were 4 of them, they had decided it would be best for Patton and Roman to share, since they had already shared one for most of their life. After the brothers had left, Virgil turned to Logan so see that he was smiling softly to himself. Virgil couldn’t help but smile as well, seeing Logan happy made him happy.

“I’m guessing they like it” He said to Logan, who turned to face him.

“Yes, I suppose they do” he said, smile still on his face as he looked towards Patton and Romans room for a moment longer.

 

…

 

“I think Rachel is trans” Roman said to Patton in their room. Patton looked up from where he was drawing on the floor, giving Roman a confused look.

“What? Why?” He asked, looking over to Romans bed where he was on his laptop, probably doing some homework that was due in the morning. 

“Well, when I asked her why she cut her hair, she said it was for convenience, which is exactly what I did when I cut mine the first time” he answered. Patton sat his sketchbook on the ground,  not convinced at all. I mean, he had said the same thing long ago, but that doesn’t mean some people don’t actually think it’s more convenient.

“That’s your only reason? Maybe Rachel just likes it better that way” he countered. he felt kind of bad talking about it, but Roman was the one that started it.

“That’s not all!” Roman responded. “She and Virgil seem like they have a secret of some sort, and I haven’t heard Virgil call her Rachel in weeks!” He added, throwing his arms up for emphasis. Patton sighed and crawled up to sit next to him on the bed. 

“Are you sure you’re not just upset that they’re not giving you as much attention as they normally do?” Patton said, half joking. Roman shrugged him off.

“Whatever, I still think I’m right” He said, going back to his computer. Patton smiled to himself, looking over to Romans computer to see what he was working on. Yup, It was homework that he definitely should have started before tonight. 

“Do you want any help with that?” He asked, knowing that Roman was probably having trouble paying attention to the instructions and would most likely make several mistakes if he did it alone.

“God yes, I’m so lost” Roman replied as Patton moved beside him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
